Last week in a Bible study at a local church, I made the comment that while the Scriptures aren’t necessarily a manual on parenting, despite have some things to say, it is a manual on discipleship as it primally about Christ. As such, He gave a specific commission to His followers:
Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” – Matthew 28:19-20
Because of this emphasis, the discipleship of our children isn’t principally different than discipleship of another believer in that it is still the same means, God’s Word, and method, [My main point] teaching them to observe all that Christ commanded. Understanding that yes, as parents we have a closer relationship with our children, but discipleship ought not to be some complicated, ethereal concept that intimidates us and causes us to be unable to relate and communicate spiritual things to our children. There was some minor pushback to my assertion that discipleship is primarily the same, on the inside of a “family” as on the outside, stating that there is a difference between Bob at work and Johnny at home. I get that, they are our children, but here’s the thing. They can be our children from cradle to grave and never accept Christ as Savior, we still have a responsibility to parent, to care for their basic needs while they’re young, teach them about life, point them to Christ, and love them as they age. But should the Lord graciously save them, added to these parental responsibilities and privileges is the primary duty of discipleship and that is the same for all believers.
On what Scriptural basis do I make this claim?
In God’s Word there are several passages that help flesh out this point concerning relationships impacted by the gospel. First, in Matthew 10 Jesus is preaching to His disciples just prior to their first commissioning as apostles. In this sermon, He concludes with the point and purpose of His coming with respect to earthly relationships. It is one of His numerous Kingdom paradigm shifts.
34 “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36 And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. 37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
Matthew 10:34-39
From the passage above we can see this Kingdom paradigm shift in that Christ’s ministry, namely His gospel, upends earthly relationships. It sets them against one another. Why? Because the gospel is divisive. It is a call to crucify the self and trust in the One Who was crucified. This faith in the Son of God is faith in the One whom the world hates. A denial of self goes against our very nature, our very sinful nature, and this offends those who are dead in trespasses and sins, even if they are family. Further, as believers we are called to separate ourselves from the world, that is the system of evil that appeals to our lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and the pride of life. In doing so, we call sinners to repentance, again even if they are family. Summarily all of this is divisive even at the basic family unit level. The prototype of this familiar division on the basis of faith is of course Cain and Abel. Referring to Matthew 10 again, Jesus lays this out with clarity and summarizes with the statement that our love for Him is contrasted with hate for our family members. Here, some comment is warranted as our Lord is not calling us to actually hate our family, rather He is setting up an extreme contrast/comparison between our affections. Our hearts are to be supremely loyal towards Him, not conflicted or choosing between Him and someone else. If given the choice between family and Christ, the choice is always Christ. Our familial affections are therefore to be reoriented on the basis of Christ. A practical application of what this looks like is in those homes where another religion is practiced and someone comes to faith in Christ. It may actually cost them their life to choose between family and Christ, but this happens everyday, particularly in the Muslim world. In the United States, we often neglect to feel the weight of that or to even consider it a possibilty.
On this particular division, Jesus comments later in Matthew 19 concluding the encounter with the rich, young ruler with the statement, “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life.” Matthew 19:29 With this statement, Jesus is contrasting the riches of this world with the riches of the world to come, again another Kingdom paradox. The riches in the world to come are contrasted with those things we might naturally treasure here, houses, lands, and family. In the world to come, the inheritance will be eternal life for those who have trusted in Christ and the reception of a hundredfold, a reference to the houses and brothers, sisters, father or mother, lands, and houses. The world to come will bring an abundant increase. When we think of this in terms of family, we see that there is a continuation of the Kingdom paradox in which family is redefined. Here, family actually increases in the world to come as the bond of (new) blood is eternal and not limited to this life.
A second verse for us comes from Mark chapter 3 near the beginning of Jesus’ earthly ministry. He has just healed the man with the withered hand, called His twelve disciples, defines the blasphemy of the Spirit with reference to the Pharisees, and is subsequently interrupted by His mother and brothers. The following passage captures this scene.
31 And his mother and his brothers came, and standing outside they sent to him and called him. 32 And a crowd was sitting around him, and they said to him, “Your mother and your brothers are outside, seeking you.” 33 And he answered them, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” 34 And looking about at those who sat around him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! 35 For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.”
Mark 3:31-35
Above, the Kingdom paradox of family that we have been looking at is perhaps developed more fully. Here we see that in effect there are two families, from Jesus’ perspective. He has those to whom He is physically related, i.e. his mother, brothers, and sisters and He has those who do the will of God who are His brothers, sisters, and mother. These two do not have to be mutually exclusive of course, but this shouldn’t neuter the point. There is a redefinition of family on the basis of Christ. This is why the Scriptures repeatedly address brothers and sisters in the epistles epescially. We are God’s children by means of our union with Christ. This makes Jesus our brother and fellow believers our brothers and sisters in Christ. Family is redefined on the basis of faith.
These passages, and others, do not remove us from our earthly familial relationships and responsibilities, necessarily, but they could if opposition to the gospel arose within the family. However, what they do is reorder them properly. There is a higher relationship of that which is built on faith in Christ through the bond of union with Him.
How then does this relate to the earlier statement about discipleship from a father to a child being the same as from one believer to the next? Because the spiritual bond between each is the exact same, again that of faith in Christ. Yes, a child is your flesh and blood, but there is a far deeper bond which allows you to call them a brother or sister in Christ. There are now two ways of relating to them, one as a parent/child and another as siblings in Christ. That is the basis of discipleship, not an earthly, physical connection. If discipleship is based on physical relationship alone, it runs a genuine risk of promoting a false conversion. I realize that this issue is at the heart of the disagreement between credobaptists and paedobaptists with the latter working from the position that children are part of the New Covenant and are thereby assumed to be saved. In that view, the bond of physical and spiritual coincide. Nevertheless, the point remains, discipleship, that is the teaching of other believers and helping them to mature in the faith, uses identical means and methods within a physical family as without by relying on the Holy Spirit to do the work of salvation and sanctification in the heart.
Soli Deo Gloria
